Trusting God through Your Current Circumstances

I posted on my Instagram about a month back a quote "You don't know my story", with a caption that said "one day I'll tell my story." Today, August 7th of 2017, is a day that I've longed for over the last 6 months. Why? I have been undergoing a series of tests, spending almost every Monday (that is until I decided to call it quits mid June) in the Dr.'s office, seeing specialist after specialist, hearing diagnosis after diagnosis, results after results debunking those diagnosis, and working to keep my sanity, while fighting to keep off the tentacles of depression. Today is the day I have longed for because I was able to walk out of the Dr.'s office with an answer, with a course of action, with a plan. Today, after 6 months, I wasn't given another grim diagnosis. Over the last 6 months I have been told that I may have kidney cancer, kidney disease, slow kidneys, lupus, multiple myeloma, amyloidosis, bone marrow disease, blood cancer and a few other autoimmune diseases to name a few. While getting such diagnosis on a Monday, I'd turn around and head back to work and service my clients, trying to give no thought to the news I'd received.

Why am I sharing all of this?

I've prayed, sought God and godly counsel through this entire process. I didn't share it with many because I wasn't moved to do so. But, I knew that God would get the glory in the end and that the time to share would come. Since December, I've proclaimed His awesome power, I've voiced how we are to trust because this would be a year of insurmountable blessings, I've mentioned to those whose paths I've crossed that a move of God was on the way. And maybe secretly I was speaking to others the encouragement I needed for my own proverbial mountains, but nevertheless, it was the truth. I felt God tell me it was time to walk out the very thing I had been speaking, but never did I imagine it would be like this. After losing my mother to cancer, that was the last thing I wanted my name associated with. Paranoid would be an understatement. Fearful I was, but I'm human. I allowed myself the space to feel what I was feeling and only shared my inner feelings with those who wouldn't force me to do otherwise. {As Christians, we shouldn't be so dismissive to ones feelings.} Not saying they allowed me to wallow, because I didn't wallow at all. But, they understood the fact that, though Christian, I was human, and the feelings were a natural response to bad news. Each time, I'd go to the Dr., results would debunk their prior theory, but they'd have another. More tests, more lab work, more confusing news, required more FAITH.

Walk Out the Very Thing I've Been Speaking

The few people I told will attest to the amount of faith this took, and that it wasn't always easy to smile. I had to constantly bring every thought captive under the authority of Christ Jesus, because truthfully, I wanted to quit. It was like, I wanted the victory without the battle. I want my life to give God the glory and be a testament of His Sovereignty and Faithfulness without the struggles. But, that's unrealistic.

I was tired of being poked and prodded, and told this and that. It felt like the doctors were on a wild goose chase with no end in sight, which ultimately began to weigh on me mentally. This caused me to take a "break". I literally cancelled all appointments in order to gain clarity and to seek God and re-establish my footing & my faith. I was so full of busyness, running here and there, doctor after doctor, all while working... and oh, did I mention the opening of my salon. I couldn't see an end. So, I withdrew from it all, just to get close and quiet with God, so I could begin focusing on His promises.

I wanted the Victory without the Battle

After regaining my footing, I got a call from the Oncologist because they had received a referral from my PCP. It wasn't a call I wanted to take, and truthfully, it knocked me 10 steps backwards. By this time, I was literally talking to myself, out loud, no matter where I was, because I was sick of the enemy overtaking my thoughts. No matter where I was, I would have to stop and quote God's promises. Scriptures that affirmed my faith. Reading, indulging in sermon after sermon, any and everything that was positive and kept me from caving to negative thinking - those things became my focus. The handful of friends who kept me lifted, Lord knows I am thankful for them. Week in and week out, a constant barrage of encouragement. He showed Himself by surrounding me with some pretty awesome women. Then, my husband picked up the slack because of my energy depletion and pain. God is just so faithful.

After nervously cancelling with the oncologist twice, I finally went in and took the series of tests necessary for him to arrive to a final answer. Being in the cancer center, nearly 4 years after my mother's passing, seeing people hooked up on chemo, total body hair loss, feeble, aching and in pain, really forced me to be real with myself. It taught a deeper level of COMPASSION and EMPATHY. But, it also strengthened & stretched my faith and my trust to a level I didn't know even existed. I had to seriously, call those things that aren't as though they are. And because His word will not return void, I was able to watch God move on my behalf, and its astonishing.


I said all this to say, trust God with every fiber of your being. If He said it, then it shall come to pass. God has shown me my future, and it is great. Sickness wasn't a part of it. Death wasn't a part of it. A good friend sent me a sermon by John Gray that was entitled "NOT NOW, NOT FROM THIS". I suggest you all look it up and let it bless you. I had to constantly remind myself, that I wasn't going to die, and I wasn't going to die from this. Even if the results came back positive, I had to force my mind to conceive God's promises that He was still going to see me through. I encourage you all to draw closer. Draw closer to the only One with saving power. Jehovah Jireh, Jehovah Nissi, Jehovah Rapha... He is all you need.

I have so much more to say, but TODAY I will say: IT ISN'T CANCER, IT ISN'T TERMINAL... IT IS WELL..... and MY STORY CONTINUES....

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